I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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