yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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