I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
