we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
