He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
