i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
