I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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