I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
