I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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