it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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