Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
