Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
