Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
