You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
