Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
