Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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