well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
No subtext here. People are naked.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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