he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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