I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
im six kinds of drunk right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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