I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
