I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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