i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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