I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
