we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
