"it" just moved
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
