adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
