I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So. Much. Porn.
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