i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
