okay pat passed out under dana's car
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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