Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
