we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
