I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
