under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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