Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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