My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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