Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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