dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
