We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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