Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
