btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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