i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
