She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
