i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
