So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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