We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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