the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
