your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
