so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
