note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
50% drunk capacity currently
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
