Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
