i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
