Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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